Common Feelings

Initially you might feel some negative reactions to suicide that might include:

shock - doubt - denial - shame - guilt - fear - anger - blame
While these are all common reactions to a suicide attempt, it is important that you respond in a helpful, more productive manner.

Communication

Youth who are contemplating, or have attempted suicide are struggling with feelings of rejection. They often feel abandoned by everyone especially their parents. Let them know that you are available to listen and talk, that you are willing to spend time with them. Isolation only reinforces the feelings of rejection and abandonment, so stay close, stay involved.

The most important message to send to your teen are the messages,

• "I love you and I want to understand what is going on in your life."
• "I take you seriously."
• "I care about you."
• "I want to help."

Listen to your teen. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and problems while you just listen.

The single most common complaint made by teens about their parents is that they don't listen. Adults are often too willing to give advice, make judgements, and try to solve problems for them. What they really want are parents who will simply listen.

• Do not attempt to solve your teen's problems
• Do not downplay their fears and concerns
• Do not defend yourself, your spouse, relatives, friends, teachers, or their peers
• Do not tell your teen how lucky they are or what they have to look forward to
• Do not ask, "Why did you try to kill yourself?" - this implies that there is only one reason behind their decision when usually there are compounding reasons
• Talking gets the problem out in the open
• Talking eases stress and tension
• Talking gets you both thinking about where you can go for help
• Talking about suicide with your teen shows them that you can handle the discussion, and that they don't need to protect you anymore

Use "I feel" statements when talking with your teen about your feelings or reactions to their behaviour. This avoids blaming the teen, and then they are less likely to become defensive. Avoid such statements as; "You make me so angry!" instead say, "When you do this I feel angry."

This change in your approach with your teen might initially be met with some suspicion or distrust, but after you show some genuine interest in their life they will start to share with you.

Parental self care

People who live in a state of long term high stress are themselves at risk for clinical depression, as well as other stress aggravated physical illnesses (i.e. migraine headaches, gastrointestinal discomfort). They often lose their ability to effectively manage family, relationship, and work issues.

Involve others - don't try to handle the crisis alone

• It is important that you connect with a good friend, family member, church personnel, counsellor, or any other support person to provide assistance during this difficult time.
• Keep a list of these support people handy so that you can access them for support when you need extra assistance, or when you feel overwhelmed.
• Ask for help with the practical things like driving to the hospital, making phone calls, or attending meetings.
• Find someone who is not directly involved to talk to for more long term support
• Share your situation with your GP who can provide support and a possible referral.
• Recruit supportive relatives and friends - you might have to educate your support people.
• Pay close attention to your physical and mental health; nutrition, sleep, exercise, recreation, and relaxation.
• Spend time doing activities that you enjoy.
• Schedule a date night with your spouse or partner.
• Find a supportive group of people who have experienced situations similar to yours.
• Attend to your spiritual self through religion, meditation, nature, etc.